In 1984, my mother did this to me on Easter Sunday.
The bonnet was beyond enormous. Like a lace marshmallow, it dwarfed my tiny skull. A muslin, ribbon-riddled mushroom hat. A suburban helmet of hilarious shame.
I recall hating it even then. I remember thinking, “What if someone sees me in this thing?” Then my mother trotted me out to church and people saw. I’m still not really over it. If I ever have a child … I’m going even bigger and even better. That’s one of the main reasons to have children, after all.
This Easter, I shot a paintball gun at a dude dressed like a human Peep candy. I drank Bud Light at noon, and I watched men in incredibly disturbing rabbit suits battle it out in both a joust and a cage match.
It was all part of the Lower East Side’s Full Bunny Contact.
Full Bunny Contact is demented, hilarious Easter carnival/sideshow at the Clemente Soto Velez Center in the Lower East Side.
In its second year, FBC is the manifested dream of a few fun dudes – Daniel Demello and Nathaniel Nowak – directed by John Harlacher, who previously collaborated on our town’s Nightmare Haunted House.
The fellows wanted to explore the creepier side of Easter. Can you really blame them?
They put in a Jesus Dunk Tank. There was a devious, rather furious fortune teller and a mechanical bucking bunny to ride.
The biggest attraction was the giant Cage Match, where tiny children tried to collect eggs, while full grown men dressed as rabid, demon rabbits slapped their baskets to the ground in good (possibly life scarring) fun.
I’m excited to see what the Full Bunny Contact team dreams up next, because this was by far the best Easter I’ve ever had. I’m even feeling a bit better about the bonnet situation.
Happy Easter everybody!