Langkawi, Malaysia : Where I Drove a Tomato to the Sea

I’m honestly not sure where I stand on Malaysia, because I haven’t seen enough of it … and unlike some other countries, I haven’t got that immediate head-over-heels fascination with the place. Penang? You should 100% see it before you die. Right now I’m in Langkawi, though.

Langkawi you could probably skip. I won’t be back, but that’s not to say I’ve been unhappy here. Quite the opposite. I’ve been in this general vicinity for the entire four days.

My skin is a dermatologist-infurating shade of pink, and I think the last time I took a shower was three days ago. I think. I needed to come here. It was decision time in Penang. My choices were come to this little island (located off the very northwestern coast of Malaysia) that I’d never even heard of … or go to Borneo. Borneo is on the very top of my list of places to see, so I felt like four days wasn’t enough time there. Plus … it was a 20 minute, $27 flight to Langkawi. After this Polar Vortex winter in NYC, I needed to warm up and lay very, very still.

First … the reasons you can skip Langkawi:

Developers have done some serious damage here, and that’s only going to get worse. If you are scared of the world, come here. It’s safe. Bubble-wrap, Toys ‘R’ Us, Johnson & Johnson safe. It doesn’t feel like Southeast Asia at all. There’s an amusement park where you can take a Duck Ride for fuck’s sake. I don’t even know what that entails, but I know I do not like it on my Southeast Asian islands. No one ever offered me a Duck Ride in Cambodia. They would have skinned the ducks in front of me and then eaten them raw, perhaps. But there would have been no theme park ride about it. Chinese tourists also stream off cruise ships here by the thousands. I read a sign in the jungle today, announcing a 1,200-room hotel slated for 2015. It kinda broke my heart as I cruised past in my baller ride. I will pause a moment so you can laugh at my vehicle.

Now I will remind you that I rented a car in Malaysia by myself. And I drove that blood-colored egg on the wrong side of the road, over mountain passes with crazy ass locals on motorbikes whizzing all around me, and you can shove ….

Ok … nah. Just kidding. Keep laughing. This car is hilarious, and I was singing Katy Perry out of the driver-side window. (As far as the Langkawians are concerned, I’m a tiger and you’re gonna hear me roaaaar, laaa laaa la la la la laaahhhh!)

Ahem. Sorry. Ok. If you decide you want to come to Langkawi, there are a few beautiful moments left here.

Stay and/or eat at Bon Ton Resort. In fact, I’m writing this blog post from there right now. I didn’t stay here, but I would if I returned. It’s perfection. Old thatched-hut houses and a main pavilion facing west, overlooking marshes that reflect the sky above. They have a charming menu that fuses East & West, a good wine list, and actual cocktails. The best part about Bon Ton, however, is the animals. The owner has a freakin’ menagerie of über friendly cats and dogs. There are so many, this place might actually be a humane society that I just stumbled on and thought was a resort.

Langkawi was once paradise. Now it’s pretty far past the rescuing point. There’s a Starbuck’s. There’s a Duck Ride. Not to be outdone by developers, I rented my trusty Tomato and went in search of a private spit of sand to call my own. There’s a place here called Black Sand Beach, on which you will only find tiny fingers of black sand. I’d figure the developers had it cleared off and replaced with the generally preferred white variety. Still, Black Sand Beach was my favorite moment of my time here. There’s a fantastic crumbling dock to ogle. and if you walk far enough, you can climb over some driftwood and disappear for a bit.

There’s one thing about Langkawi I will never understand or forget. Down this dirt road I mistakenly took trying to find Black Sand Beach, I stumbled upon a solitary house. Half of it has fallen off the hillside, onto the beach below. Inside what might be the oddest setting imaginable … is a single, red-velvet, Victorian chair. Beside it … a box of fresh tissues. I suppose I’m not the only one upset by the Starbuck’s and the Duck Ride, after all. Hasta la no la vista, little Langkawi. I will miss the Tomato most of all.