Pedaling Through a Pig’s Stomach

I’d rather look at this view than anything else on Earth. You can have Alaska. Take Tibet, Telluride or the top of the Empire State building. Just please … leave me a tiny path through some jungle, with palm trees making a half-assed canopy over my head.

This. This is my happy place. It can be yours too for a slight amount of hassle, a short ferry ride and a single call from a temple pay phone.

This is the island of Khung Bang Krachao. The NY Times once called it “the Green Lungs of Bangkok.” Personally, I think that’s rank. Lungs should be a healthy shade of pink. And furthermore NY Times … maybe just refrain from comparing places to organs.

They termed this place that because it’s a lush, verdant, wild piece of land, adjacent to the concrete sprawl of Bangkok. It’s in the province of Samut Prakan and the district is Phrapradaeng – which comprises 15 sub-districts.  Six sub-districts make up the island of Khung Bang Krachao. Holy shit … you just almost quit reading. Sorry. I’ll get back to the good stuff.

If you want to visit Khung Bang Krachao and take a killer bike tour that winds you along the curving, elevated, skinny sidewalks that stretch over the (hepatitis) canals, then it’s best to stay in this area. It’s a bit of a hassle to get to this place from downtown BKK. Or, anywhere in BKK. You have to ask someone to get you to the Bang Na Pier (sky train > cab) and then you walk to the pay phone adjacent to the temple, plonk in a coin and call The Bangkok Tree House. They will send a tiny, rickety ferry boat for you and that costs $1. After all that, might as well spend the night.

The Bangkok Tree House is by far the coolest place to stay. It looks like Ann Rice’s vacation home. Or maybe Mrs. Havisham’s lake house. Colonel Kurtz could easily saunter out and yell “The Horror!” with justifiable fury.

It’s the right amount of romantic creepiness. The digs are pretty luxe ($130 per night) and very comfy … in addition to being super “eco.”

The Bangkok Tree House is one of those do-good outfits on a mission to save Earth. Don’t come here if you can’t handle pre-historic bugs. Or a night without Wifi. However … if you’re in Bangkok and you do have a free night – 100% come here, because it’s a remarkable place to stay. And they are doing all sorts of cool things for the environment like serving organic food and hiring locals to help clean up the river.

Yes … yes … that water surrounding their crazy dock looks rancid. It is rancid. I said they were “doing” cool things. I didn’t say they’d finished.

The reason I wanted to head to Khung Bang Krachao wasn’t so much about snoozing in the treehouse, but more so about taking a bike ride with Paul Mueller. Paul’s an expat, avid cyclist who created a tour where you cruise past traditional Thai homes, meet the locals (and their many, many dogs) and stop for a soda in a gorgeous park. They even have a pond with some turtles, and you can feed them turtle pellets. He charges about $30 for 3 hours.

Paul is a fantastic tour guide and will happily educate you on the facts of the area. For example, there are tons of Pong-Pong trees. Pong-Pongs are more affectionately known as “Suicide Trees,” because their fleshy fruit is toxic and very hard to trace. People in India apparently murder each other with the stuff all the time! Who knew?

I also learned that the island is known by locals as Krapho Moo, which translates to “pig’s stomach,” thanks to its kidney bean shape. Here we go again with the organ references. What is happening? Oh Well. Carrying on …

One of my favorite parts of staying a night out here was taking the $1 ferry back over the Chao Phraya River and exploring the streets surrounding the Bang Na Pier.

The locals speak little to no English, but they are excited for you to bastardize their language in your broken Thai just the same. I got to meet a tiny girl who was up way past her bedtime, was invited to buy a Prehistoric-sized fish and ended up playing a few games of Ping Pong – which I lost. I ran away before the guys could collect on the money I owed them.

All in all, I’d highly recommend visiting this area. Where else can you tell people you rode a bike through Pig’s Stomach? Plus, that huge fish is still up for grabs. Better hurry.